A concept I recently learned in my EFT certification really hit home with me so I’d like to share it with you.
As we entered this world, we were born into a lovely, beautiful palace of possibilities. We were newly unwrapped sponges ready to absorb the bounty of the fresh waters the world had to offer. Nothing can stop us! We were whole. Until life and people got in our way.
And that’s exactly what happens in our palace of possibilities, our hurts, our interpretations of the world, messages from our parents, teachers, religious elders, our unfortunate circumstances have us take residence in one tiny room in the palace. All those other magnificent rooms are wrongly given to all those people we believe to be better than us…the richer, smarter, prettier, thinner people who “deserve” the grand space with spectacular views.
Us? Well, we stay within the confines of our small room or maybe only the basement because we don’t even deem ourselves worthy of an upper floor.
Gary Craig, founder of EFT, explains that within our rooms there is a wall and on this wall, we place all our takeaways from experiences we’ve had during our childhood, adolescence and these experiences become our writing on our walls. The words on our walls are metaphors for the way in which we speak to ourselves. The writing represents the attitudes, opinions and beliefs that we have piled on over the years. We line our walls with those familiar can’ts, shouldn’ts, won’ts, I’m not enoughs, etc.
Our writing on our walls within the comfort of limited rooms keep us from living the live we are meant to live and by allowing others to occupy the grander rooms, we set unrealistic expectations and entitlement to others we feel more deserving than us.
Each time we think someone is more entitled, worthy, better than us, we are handing over our power to them, their circumstances and we deflate our ability to do great things.
Recently, a client was talking about her difficulties with shame and embarrassment and the analogy she used really had an impact on me.
She shared with me that on many occasions after a wonderful night out with friends, a work function or even a relaxing day with family, as she lays her head on the pillow, her brain automatically will replay the day. This is a pattern she developed somewhere along the line (her writing on the wall), that told her she needed to do this to feel safe.
She compared putting all the events of the day through a sifter…all the laughs and good times, great conversations shaking right on through and being left with all the shame and embarrassment of not doing a good enough job of keeping up or presenting herself well.
So, what’s left in the sifter, you ask? All the “why’d I say thats?”, the “I hope I looked engaged enoughs”, “I hope I didn’t embarrass myself when I couldn’t get my thought out right,” “Did I talk too much? Too little?” “I’m so stupid!” “Why did I wear THAT dress?” “Everyone looked so good…I just looked so dumpy.”
Sound familiar? Does to me!
This is the writing on her wall in her small room within the magnificent palace of possibilities. She’s not good enough to be out in the palace because of the shame and embarrassment of not doing or saying the correct thing, of not being good enough. The shame of everyone who looks so much better than she does acts perfectly in social situations.
I believe this is something we all share – even a little. We take remnants of what’s left in our day through the sifter, and we proudly display it on the “I’m not good” shelf we hung in our room.
This sifter is a great place for exploration. With the help of EFT, we can work on the emotional residue and that writing on the wall. If you are interested in exploring and getting some relief and rewriting that writing on the wall, visit the “Book Now” page to schedule a free session.
Best of everything always,