Do you have any idea how much your life is holding you back from living?
Yeah, I didn’t either until it all started to unravel right there before my eyes.
For so long, I was my weight, my past and my story. These were not things that happened to me…I allowed them to BE ME.
At the core of my personal identity were overeating, overdrinking, overspending, overcompensating, shame, guilt, body hate and bag full of I’m not good enoughs. Everyone I knew had their shit together except me.
Whatever I tried to get out of my own way always backfired. I’d lose weight only to gain it back. Every Monday I swore I’d never drink again. HA! By Tuesday night, the wine glass was on the counter ready to be filled. I was forever going out of my way to make sure everyone else was happy while I was miserable.
I wasn’t living, I was existing. I knew I wanted more…I just didn’t know how to get it.
How The Journey Began
Enter Talk Therapy
I started out by sludging through all the muck of my past. I learned how I was using food as love, alcohol to numb, people pleasing and care-taking to get people to notice me. Always looking for outside validation because I never felt good enough, smart enough or just plain enough. This was not an easy process, but it was worth every tear.
Giving up alcohol needed to happen…because I knew if I continued, my family would suffer. Food and my other compulsive behaviors were still a part of me though. Participating in talk therapy was my first step in my healing, but it wasn’t enough for me. For months and months, I met with a wonderful therapist rehashing my painful story week after week with no relief. I still hurt…I was still angry, and I still hated myself deep down to my core. The pain was still there.
Next, Eating Psychology
Then I came across the psychology of eating methodology. I learned how it wasn’t only the food and how much I was eating that was causing me to stay overweight, it was the WHY I was using food. Food was my friend, lover, comfort. Food made my life sweeter, it gave me something to think about instead of the emotional pain I was feeling. I was maintaining a 40-lb weight loss, but still felt so heavy.
And then I came across Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)/Tapping. Working with the most supportive, knowledgeable, gentle practitioners, I finally could let go of some of the pain and the disappointments from my chaotic, dysfunctional childhood.
Painful stories..most people have them…some worse than others, but, you see, I was letting mine define me — never leaving home without it – for over 40 years. Obsessive thoughts and excessive worrying were habitual…These behaviors kept my wounded little girl safe,but I was using them as an adult. My teenage self was running my adult life.
Don’t you think 40 years is too long to be living in pain? All the characters of my painful story are gone, but I was still living as if they were in my daily life…Crazy! As my wonderful practitioner told me once…the horse is dead, but I still had the saddle in my living room and every day I’d saddle up with my heavy saddle and go out there into the world.
Recently, my daughter was telling me about security questions she needed to confirm for a site she belonged to and that’s when I had a tremendous aha moment. I was her mother’s maiden name. I’ve raised two amazing adult children, but still, I was living in my dysfunctional childhood home instead of the beautiful, faithful, loving, supportive home I provided for my family. WTH?
Not every day is perfect. I still get triggered, I still worry, I saddle up, but now I have the amazing, beautiful, helpful gift of EFT to help me through the panic, the thoughts, the pain. I’m more aware when I feel unsafe, I recover quicker and I’ve learned to surrender to the process of Healthy Empowered Authentic Living. Why? Because I deserve to be happy…just like you do!
So now my goal is to leave this world a better place for future generations. I want everyone to know that they are important, they matter and they are worthy of love and acceptance. If I walked my path to help others walk theirs then I am blessed.
If you’d like to learn more about EFT, the psychology of eating or to try on coaching, book your free session today.