How come 54 sounded really old 31 years ago when my mother died at that age?
Because to a 23- year-old kid who was young and naïve, and who thought everyone over the age of 30 was ancient, 54 was old.
My mom was diagnosed at the age of 18 with juvenile diabetes and suffered with many of the complications diabetes brings. Poor circulation and pains in her legs were her most debilitating health issues. I remember her having such trouble walking up the stairs and even just down the street. Everything was an effort for her.
She died unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism after taking a fall a couple of months after her 54th birthday. I knew then that I was way too young to lose my mother, and I know now she was way too young to lose her life. Knowing what I know now about life…man, her life, had she been in good health, was just beginning.
And that’s why I began my journey to better health a year ago and that’s why I continue on it today.
You see, I have trouble with my legs too…They swell easily, I have bad varicose veins, in fact, I’ve already had two surgeries to repair some veins in both legs. I’ve been suffering with plantar fasciitis for over a year, and it frustrates me so much when I can’t exercise because of the inflammation and pain – foot is wrapped in an ice pack as we speak.
With a family history of diabetes, I’m very aware of the complications and destruction this horrible disease causes.
And I know that being overweight all these years – yo-yoing up and down, being good, being bad — has caused a lot of wear and tear on my body, and if I didn’t start making changes and get my body stronger, I’d be like the many people out there who are using canes way too early in their life because their weight is causing them great pain and suffering and preventing them from enjoying a mobile life. And so a year ago, my journey to a lighter, stronger body began.
Now I am dedicated to making healthy food choices not because I’m on diet, but because these healthy choices are fresh and delicious and good for me and they help my body function at its best.
I try my best to move my body every day – on the treadmill, on the elliptical, on the ski machine…I’m doing some strength training to build up my muscles.
I’ve moved as close as I can right now to accepting my body with my jiggling arms, large thighs and cankles – this is not a beauty contest anymore…this is embracing the gift of a new day, every day, to get my body moving, feeding it colorful, fresh, organic food and only allowing pleasant, kind words to be spoken about my body (this is a lot easier said than done).
As my daughter said when I texted her asking her if she thought I was old. I can only imagine what she first thought…Oh God, how the hell do I answer this question…
She texted back – no, Mom, I don’t think you’re old. I then asked her what makes me not old…
Her response was that I’m willing to still grow and change as a person and not get stuck in my own way because I’m a certain age…and I keep up with technology. Oh, and I don’t accept life as it is, but I’m always looking for way to make it better.
Thank you, Daughter…you did great!
And she’s right…I do continue to grow each and every day and I’m constantly finding new ways to make my life better.
I’m stronger than I was a year ago, I’m smarter than I was 10 years ago, I’m on a path of evolution to my most wonderful, purposeful self.
So to wrap this all up with a tidy bow…
What’s the takeaway here? I’ve spent a lot of time dragging my upsetting past around with me, weighing me down constantly, and that’s no longer the case. What I carry with me is the vision of who I want to be the future…at 64, at 74, at 84. And what does that look like you ask?
My vision for my future looks like this…I continue to be dedicated to concentrating on my health and not the size of my body…I move my body every day so it can become stronger and serve me better as I mature. I find new ways to sharpen my mind and remain steadfast in my own evolution…and yes, Daughter, you have my word that I will try my best to get out of my own way.
Always remember it’s about time we return to the heart.
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