If I’ve learned one thing from my certification training, it’s that our words hurt.
The words we internalize are setting us back something fierce. Words like I’m so fat, I’m disgusting, I look like shit, I’m a fat pig, I’m no good, she’s so much prettier, happier, richer, [fill in the blank] than me…
We are even listening to words that we think are still recent — Words that our parents said to us 20, 30, 40 years ago. We still hear them and act on them like they were fresh off the lips of our mother, father, teacher, pastor, minister, grandmother –
You’re no good,
You are not smart enough
You will never be anything important,
You’re too fat to be successful
You will never be loved if you look like that.
You can’t do anything right.
These words spoken from the people we loved, trusted and admired may have been spoken with love and beneficial purpose, but man, they hurt. They did NOT “wake” us up, empower us to be better, “set” us straight. These hurtful words became ours – they became our thoughts and then our beliefs!
These limiting, toxic beliefs became our operating system.
And these thoughts hurt us…they prevent us from moving forward, they keep us from evolving into the beautiful creatures we are meant to be…
Our thoughts may be ours, but they do not determine who we are!
Let me explain how harmful our words can be – this internal dialogue.
When we are constantly attacking ourselves with hurtful words like “you look like shit this morning”, “OMG, EVERYONE is noticing how big my hips look in these pants”, we are in stress. The same stress as I’m working too hard, I don’t make enough money AND a big mean bear is about to attack.
Our wonderful brain does not know the difference between I’m not good enough, I’m can’t do anything right and I’m being chased by a bear. The internal response is exactly the same…and, that response is full-blown stress.
And when we are ALWAYS listening to this horrible self-talk, we are in constant stress. AND when we are in constant stress, we are not metabolizing our food or digesting our food.
I need you to hear this and really take it in…the same daily self-attack of I’m no good is the same as a BIG GIANT BEAR attacking us – our brain DOES NOT know the different.
When our sympathetic system is activated, we are in total fight or flight response – and this happens just by saying those three powerful words “I’m not enough” or these six potent words – “I’m too fat to do this”. When we are in fight or flight, our metabolize shuts down immediately so we can fight off the great big bear – our hateful self- talk.
And when this occurs all the time, we are in chronic stress response – which means our metabolism never gets the chance to stabilize and reach parasympathetic.
Parasympathetic is when we can relax and renew. We can stabilize our system and return to homeostasis – home, balance, equilibrium.
So, how do we do this?
- We notice – we become aware of that damaging internal dialogue
- We breathe – we take five long, cleansing breaths just before we believe we are not enough.
- We send love and peace to that little girl/boy who is still listening to the voice of our parents, pastor, grandmother, teacher — We pack our bag and move out of our parent’s home – only taking the good stuff – the love, joy, happy memories.
- We begin to love and accept the joyful person who speaks so hateful words…
- We learn to embrace kindness and send positive healing to our hearts so we can relax, renew and evolve into the person we are meant to be.
It’s about time we return to the heart.
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